Almost Squashed

It had been a long day, filled with chasing around for a sick kid's homework, running The Man Who Puts Up With Me to pick up his sick truck, and an hour herding Bear Cubs through the police station. Who would have thought my own son might have murdered me- and with a vegetable, nonetheless?

The boy does have his moments.  He has personally been responisble for giving me two unintentional concussions once with a chunk of wood, and the other time with a baseball.  And although he doesn't drive yet, I think I may have to increase my life insurance before we hand him the keys.

But tonight he plotted my death, or rather, plotted to rid the house of a burglar.

I had finished popping a wonderful hash into the oven, and since I hadn't grabbed my daily morning shower, decided to get cleaned up.  Oldest was in the living room giggling wildly over an "I Love Lucy" episode.  Periodically he would come in, breathless with laughter, and tell me about what crazy thing Lucy was doing.   

But after I entered the shower, he walked by our bedroom door, saw that it was shut, and figured I was in there.  Then he heard someone in the shower.  Who could it be? He looked around for something to incapacitate the intruder.  His eyes fell upon the most dangerous thing he could find:  a squash.  Slowly he crept up to the bathroom door.  Then he listened for any sound that would tell him who could be in the shower. 

 He must have heard something that reassured him. "Mom?" he called softly through the door.

"Uh hun?"

"Oh, good.  I was ready to bean you, " he said.  Then, since the sheetrock isn't all the way down on the side of the wall, he shoved the potential instrument of death under the door.

I had just stepped out of the shower.  "Uh, why are you showing me that squash?" I asked, totally puzzled.

"I didn't know who you were," he said.  "And I figured these were as hard as baseball bats."  I winced at the thought.

It took me a couple of more questions to figure out that he he had been on the mission of defending the household from thieves who break in to take showers.  Yes, apparently he felt that robbery was a much better intent when breaking and entering to get clean.

It ocurred to me that I could have been squashed to death. If I had to make a list of ways that I might die, I wouldn't have thought to put "killed by a vegetable" on the list. 

In the end, I suppose I should be grateful that Oldest thought to defend the house from intruders.  I am extremely glad he decided to at least figure out first if he knew who was in the shower.  I'm also thankful he didn't go into the bathroom to affront the naked burglar, and get more information about me than he needed. 

Life is not only busy but dangerous.  I am starting to understand the old phrase, "Those kids will be the death of me yet!" Moments like these make me so look forward to the next ten years worth of adventure with the boys who share their life with me.